She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
