You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
