ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
