thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
