Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
