My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
