evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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