apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
