i just google imaged poop.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
