I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
