Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
