I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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