the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
