I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
