Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
