Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
