Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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