She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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