He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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