I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
