i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
