either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
