oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
