Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
MIDGETS
????
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
