Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
