The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
