Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
