I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
