Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
