It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
