my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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