I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
