I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
