She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Let's paint friendship bongs
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
