Whod you bang
time to smoke my breakfast
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
