I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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