But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
