Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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