and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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