If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
