We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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