ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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