FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
