Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
