you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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