i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
