Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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