she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
