I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
