Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
