tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
