Umm I'm too high to move.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The ass gains better be worth it
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