I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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