I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
