my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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