Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Randomize
