so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
